Sunday, November 10, 2013
omg i dreamt that i was grinding and clenching my teeth in my sleep, and subsequently woke up to a whole quadrant full of missing teeth on the right lower jaw, plus fractured upper and lower incisors. It was such a gruesome sight omg. ): thank goodness it was only a dream omg. when i woke up, my jaw hurt too ): i guess i was really clenching and grinding in my sleep lol. anyway i ran to the mirror the minute i woke up, just to check that my teeth were all still there. sigh this is so disturbing.
i went to google some dream interpretations for missing/broken teeth and apparently it indicates some sense of powerlessness/helplessness in one's waking life... well i guess that's true. i feel it everyday -.-
tomorrow i'm removing one of my patient's old gold crowns. i'm supposed to redo it, provided that it's still restorable. well... it is root-treated, and has a pin in it from the old amalgam core. tender to percussion, some interprox gum tenderness. i suspected that the tooth has cracked under the crown since like...1 year ago, when i first started seeing this patient (that was his chief complaint btw haha can't believe i only managed to start addressing it around now... ). but yes, i am now sick with apprehension, because my gut feeling tells me that the tooth really has fractured under the crown, in which case it's probably unrestorable and will be extracted.... gonna lose another crown indication sigh. i probably shouldn't be so pessimistic, because for all i know, the tooth is still intact and everything will be fine. but if there's any life lesson that dental school has taught me, it's that one shouldn't be too optimistic, and definitely not count one's chickens before they hatch. -.- oh wells, guess i will only know the outcome for sure after the crown is sectioned. till then, i will just continue to be sick with worry.
how much more of this shit can i take... sigh. there are only 15 weeks left to rush all the clinical requirements and competencies. well, 14 actually, cos OS posting week doesn't count. i really don't know if can stand this any longer.
Sunday, November 03, 2013
The year is coming to a close really soon! (: it is now november, and soon it will be christmas - my absolute favourite time of the year! (: and then it will be 2014, the year when I will finally graduate from this hellish place! :D whether it will be in july or november, I still do not know yet, but whatever it is, I will be fine. (: Of course I would be 100 times happier if I could make it out by july, but if not, God will make the rest of my journey bearable, I know. (: And I know that for now I just have to do my best, and have faith. We'll see what happens from here. ((:
I really like the last few months of the year hehe, esp the weather! (: it's been raining quite a lot these days, and I LOVE IT hahaha it's such a welcome respite from the crazily warm days we've been having the rest of the year omg. The rain and slight chill in the air also adds on to my christmas mood hehehe xD to top it off, starbucks has started selling their whole range of christmas drinks yay, and they've been playing their christmas music compilation as well, all of which make me so very happy :D hahaha sometimes i think i am a very easily satisfied person lol, i mean like seriously, simple things like these make me so happy inside! :D but I'm definitely easily annoyed too hahaha, so i guess my mood changes just get triggered very easily in general haha!
school wise, I guess I am moving along! My progress is definitely not ideal, but I think I should probably just be very grateful that I can move on with my cases, no matter how slow the rate is... but really, I have no idea why I'm so slow also. ): it's not like I've been missing a lot of clinical slots, so I guess it's just a combination of bad luck with some patient cases, and slowness/inefficiency on my part. (lousy hands??? hahaha. ) especially with my fixed prostho cases sigh.... I have only prepped one crown, and issued none. I am so far away, so so far away from achieving my 5 crowns and 2 bridges omg. sigh I am just slow at everything in general.... ): I still don't have any OHPs. omg. some days, esp when I'm very extremely PMS-y, I just feel like there's no hope anymore. But there are definitely some good days, when I feel like, I could totally make it out of here in one piece, with all my mental faculties still intact!! I just need a divine miracle to happen though!! haha. (:
I hate to say this, but my 4 years here is almost coming to a close, and I still have no idea why I am here, or what I am meant to achieve in this career path in future lol. sigh oh well, things will get better, i hope! But i guess all these negative emotions come in very persistent waves right now during this phase of my life, because I am suffering like most typical dental students and hating everything related to dental school basically. perhaps when I am out of here, I will be able to find true meaning in what I'm doing, and real satisfaction, without all the shitty admin issues and other shit that is now (actually, always has been) marring my impression of true clinical dentistry.
I had some gastric problems over the last few days omg sigh. I hope this doesn't persist for the rest of the term gosh, I need all my stamina and strength (both mental and physical) to carry me through these difficult times. seriously, I don't care if after I graduate, my gastric juices burn a hole through my stomach or whatever, because by then I'd have the time and spare energy to go settle it. But right now, I can't!!!! so pleaseeee omg, i just need to be healthy for this last leg of my dental sch journey!! argh!!!
ok omg i have no idea how this happened, but my happy and full-of-inner-peace-because-christmas-is-coming post turned into an angst-filled dental school-related post. sigh. ): i think i should avoid talking abt D school in general. it ruins everything good in my life, srsly!!
but oh well, the upcoming christmas holidays definitely adds some cheer to my overall moodiness. (: hurrah! :D
